Dear Nu Toon

While I was writing this letter, I was sitting in Pongluek-Bangkloy Village, Kang Kra Jan District, Petchburi Province, which is in the Kang Kra Jan National Part. I took the media out on the field, interviewed informants in the real news sources and experienced their local lifestyles so that we could share more of their stories to others.

The trip to this village was difficult. We traveled by van from Bangkok and took the villager’s pick-up truck taking about two hours from Kang Kra Jan District to the destination. There are fertile forests on both sides of the road, but the road is quite narrow: some parts are steep and some are rough. I saw some motorists having a break along the way, and those motorists were children in the village who go to school in the city. “Billy” Polajee Rakchongcharoen, the leader of Karen tribe and the father of five children, used to live in the area before the national park officers took him in custody in Kang Kra Jan Nation Park for possessing 6 bottles of wild honey and disappeared without trace from 17^th April 2014. Now, it has been 3 months, and you might have heard of his story from the media. Now, “Muen-Aor”, his wife, has to take care of the five children alone.

Yes, you wouldn’t have read it wrong… “Muen-Aor” Pinnapa Prueksapan, a little woman of age thirty, needs to bear the burden taking care of the five children alone while searching for her husband and calling for legal actions against forced disappearance. Not only that, she continues to advocate for the human rights of S'gaw people by going into their village. This time, I intended to talk to her a little bit more, but we have not seriously done that. In fact, I want to give her a hug, pass on to her the feelings of a mother and tell her that “you are so strong”, but I have not had the chance to do that.

Luckily, this time, “Ben”, her 6-year-old daughter, liked me a lot. She is of the same age as my only son, making us get along well because this mother knows children at this age quite well. Ben is lively every time I see here. With the age of 6, even though she seems innocent, I am not sure how much she can sense and understand things.

 Ben told me that her father disappeared when she was 3. She said she loved her dad a lot because she was not so naughty back then. So, I teased her by asking if that meant she was naughty now. She smiled knowingly instead of giving me the answer, which was not hard to guess that she is quite naughty (according to her age). We chitchatted and there came the question most adults like to ask children “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I often ask this question to my son, and his answer is that he wants to be either a truck driver or a garbage truck driver. This little girl in front of me replied with a clear voice and determined eyes, not as playfully as when she answered other questions, that “I want to be a lawyer”.  At first, I was surprised how she knew this profession, but I guess after her father disappeared, the lawyers would be the group of people who most often visited her family. When asked why she wanted to be the lawyer, she said “so that I can arrest the person who made my dad disappear”. I felt heavy in my chest as there has been no one going to prison or taking responsibility for her father’s disappearance.

“O”, Muen-Aor’s oldest daughter, is going to be in Grade 7 this year. She is lucky to have a kind person supporting her to get as far as she wants in education by giving her 5,000 Baht monthly allowance. This amount of money might not be a lot for some families, but for this family, it helps save many lives and grants an educational opportunity for a child. I am so thankful for what that generous person has done.

O said that she wanted to be a teacher because her father used to want her to be. Even now her father is not with her, she still wants to make his dream come true. She told me how she and her little sister helped their mom do chores such as mopping the floor, cooking, watering plants, etc.  Each of the children shares different duties and responsibilities. Even though they do not feel like doing it like most children, they all know what they have to do.

Muen-Aor spoke her mind on several stages, saying “the most difficult thing is not knowing if Billy is alive or dead. Sometimes, when I proceed with the case, I doubted if the facts that I don’t have money and that I am poor make people not stand by my side. But I will try to find the truths and justice. Every time I come here to follow up Billy’s case, my fourth daughter, who likes to tag along, will ask me if Dad will come back and ask to come with me. Sometimes, I don’t know what to do. I was thinking maybe it was the fate and Billy and she were destined to be apart. I don’t want anyone to disappear like Billy. I want Billy to be the last person to disappear. I want this nightmare to end at my family and don’t want it to happen to anyone else.” We might often hear this saying, but in reality, it cannot be so.

What we can do now is to give her and her family mental support. I want her to continue to stay strong. Even though she wears a smile more on her face than she did the last time we met, those eyes are still hidden with grief and determination.

After knowing you and working alongside those whose human rights have been violated, the work that I have experience has become more various and challenging. Billy’s family is one of many cases that I have encountered, and I want to be part of this journey to discovering the truths and bringing about justice to those families, as well as finding measures to prevent this situation from happening to other families. I don’t know how much I will be able to do it, but I will try my best.

Love and miss you as always.